I’ve finished two chapters. When I write it down like that, it sounds reallyunimpressive, but I’ve spent so many years whining and complaining and neverdoing, so for the moment, I think I will feel good about myaccomplishment. So far, getting upbefore the sun has not killed me though by 4:00 every afternoon, I feel asthough I might die. However,getting up and having this much-needed quiet time has really been enjoyable. For one thing, I feel like I’m actuallyaccomplishing something, and oddly enough, I feel more productive in otherareas of my life as well. My laundry is still out of control.
I think the time change as well as the climbing temperature has made a great difference in my attitude. I had to do my 22-mile run on Saturday morning, and it wasreally good. I actually ran in atank top and got a little sun on my shoulders. It was a far cry from the miserable 21-mile run severalweeks ago in the dark and snow.When spring rolls around, I feel like I can do anything.
Speaking of doing anything, the Pilot Mtn. Payback Marathonis a short two and a half weeks away.Finally. I have reallyenjoyed the long trail runs, and I will definitely continue that part of mytraining. I’ve always said thatrunning in the woods actually has a physiological effect on me. It’s like the smell of damp moss andleaves creates a physical, and definitely a mental, response in me like nothingelse I do. I know that I’m not agifted trail runner, but I enjoy it so I plan to stick with it. All enjoyment aside, however, I mustsay that I’m ready to do this thing and get it behind me. Training for a single marathon once istough enough, but to do it twice is really more than I would like to do again. I’ve been apprehensive about the wholeundertaking from the beginning, and though I believe I can do it, I know it’sgoing to be really hard, and frankly, I just want to get it over with. My main concern is doing all thistraining and then getting four or five hours into this thing and havingsomething happen that makes it impossible to finish. I just want to get to the finish line and say I did it. That is rarely my main goal in a race,and I’m almost ashamed to admit it, but I’ve run the course, and believe me,for me, this is goal enough.
My other goal for the next month is to quit volunteering forcrap I don’t want to do. This isan ongoing process for me, but I somehow feel obligated to the universe orsomething to do all the crappy jobs no one else wants to do. It’s like I cannot physically stopmyself from saying, “Oh, I’ll do it; it won’t be a big deal.” But somehow, most of the things turninto big deals. How big a deal isdirectly related to who you might end up working with on said crappy projects;this relates directly back to my theory that I am not a team player. Maybe I just need to volunteer forthings that require doing it all on my own with no help and no interaction withother people. Committees may bethe death of me.
And this brings me back to my final goal—to keep working onmy writing. I don’t know what itwas about the John C. Campbell Folk School that lit such a fire under me, butI’m really glad I went. I shouldhave done it years ago. Or maybenot; maybe this was the right time.As my friend, Rebecca says, things just always seem to fall intoplace. What a lovely idea. Check out herblog at http://renaissancerebecca.wordpress.com/. Rebecca was inmy writing group at the Folk School.When she says she likes to do just about everything, she’s really notkidding.
I realize these are not particularlyawe-inspiring goals; there is nothing great or wonderful about any of them, butit’s the little goals along the way that make the overall experience. I want my overall experience to be agood one so I’m setting up these mile markers to make sure I stay on thepath. One goal I’m consideringgiving up on though is laundry. Itwill never be done; it will always exist.It’s more like an obstacle than a goal. Maybe I’ll just jump over it and keep on moving.