For the first time in a really long time, I feel like I can breathe again. I have come to realize that there are times in my life when it is simply time to move on. This is not always an easy task for me. I like things to stay the same, to know what is coming, and to feel secure. But there have also been very distinct times in my life when, finally, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth on my part, that I have come to terms with the fact that things just aren’t working and that it’s time to try something new.
And that’s how I have suddenly found myself without a class schedule this fall. After ten years of part-time teaching at the community college, I decided it was time to move ahead and leave that part of my life behind. It was a very scary step for me, being the big fan of maintaining equilibrium that I am, but once I did it, I exhaled such a huge sigh of relief, I knew immediately that it was the right thing to do. And I haven’t regretted my decision.
This step, which the mere thought of has created swells of anxiety in me for at least two years, has allowed me to finally move ahead into the place I’ve wanted to be for quite some time. I am focusing on my children in the way I have wanted and needed to focus for a while. I am writing more and working on projects that excite me. I am planning to substitute teach and tutor at my children’s elementary school, which will allow me to be in the classroom and be with my kids more often. And I’m suddenly much happier, less resentful and more excited about getting out of bed in the morning than I’ve been in a long time.
There’s still a part of me that feels nervous about not knowing exactly what the future holds, but I know that it was time for me to move on, and now that I have, I feel like good things are just around the corner.